Diary Entry X7 Darcy:
I can not belive that I was just rejected by the lady I have loved for months. Her own eyes, that I so deeply looked into, changed when I declared how I admire and love her. She has hurt my pride, but she has not broken my love for her. All I feel is anger, dissapointment, disbelief, and love... so much love for her.
I expected more of a reply... I wanted her eyes to light and for her to accept my hand of marriage, but all I had in return was an offensive no with little or no civility. She gave me the truth of what her opinion is of me. She has made my faults appear heavier than they really are. These accusations are bitter, but they will not stop my love for her, because my feelings are natural and just.
I am astonished that she believes I am arrogant, conceited, and selfish. She see's me as a man with pride that is too great. Offcourse, I am sure she only said that because she is still upset about the Wickham incident. Well, she does not know the truth of the situation, and it is a shame that she did not allow me to explain myself.
How could she say such things about me? Am I truly the last man in the whole unfaire world she would want to marry? Is my character just as bad as she explained it? Her last accusations tear at my heart. When she said it, I could not bear to hear anymore of her insults. How could such a handsome women be like that? Yet, I still love her from the bottom of my heart. Humans are strange.
I suppose I should completely comprehend her feelings and be ashamed of my own. She should not marry a man who hurt her own sisters heart. I am not ashamed of the separation an I am glad that it was a success. I have been kinder to Mr.Bingley then I am to myself.
Inspite of all this, I have learned that it is almost impossible to conquer her, and for her to accept my hand in marriage. I was sure she was going to say yes. I must find another way of asking her... or maybe... maybe I should just get out of her life. I am probably just wasting her time, and my own. There must be another way, for my feelings will not be repressed and I will continue to admire and love her. I will always remember the charming look in her eyes. Even though my pride has been punctured.
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